(The older ones have long since relocated to the landfill because gross. Guys, gals, please don’t hoard your toys too long.)None of those thingamajigs has ever given me anything more than a numb pussy and a cramp in my wrist. I only have them because Stacy works at a sex toy shop, has too much money, and deeply believes in conversion. She wants me out of that sad 0.1% and if it’s the last thing she ever does in life.Personally, I just want orgasms. I like those. A lot.Which is why hope dies last.“The dishes and the bathroom,” I say, and Stacy gives an excited little squeak and a double high five to seal the deal.“Fuck yes, girl! You will not regret it. This one is real special.”I have a feeling I will regret it, but at least I won’t have to do the dishes or clean the bathroom for the next four months, so I’ve got that going for me.*The thing I am holding in my hand a couple of days later, courtesy of Amazon, defies description. It’s a little bit 90s lava lamp, a little bit. Leaping from the bed, he wobbled onhis two-inch heels towards the mirror. "Holy shit, Elmer." heexclaimed as he saw the softly rounded image staring back at him fromthe mirror. "What the hell did you do to me? How did you do this?Why?" We agreed we needed a female assistant in the act. I couldn't seetaking all that time to train another person, especially when you'dbeen so good and learned everything as quickly as you did. So my oldfriend, who happens to be a wizard, gave me these clothes and the wigin order to transform you into my new girl assistant - scantily clad,of course." Oh. Of course? Don't you think you should have asked me if Iwanted to be a girl?" he asked angrily as he clumsily slipped out ofthe heels he had trouble standing in. Then, wondering why he did, hestruck a sensual and seductive pose in front of the mirror, thensmiled at what he saw."But it's not permanent, Milt. When the person who put the wig onyour head removes it again, you'll change back into.
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